51. The Deer Hunting Trip

And now another edition of how to be manly. Today lesson number 2163. Man oh man oh man! It's finally that time of the year! I am referring of course to the opening of deer season! Yes indeed, what could possibly be manlier than sneaking up on a defenseless little animal grazing in the forest and then blowing its friggin' head off with a high caliber weapon the size of a small cannon?! You are giddy with excitement as you start packing the car for the four-day hunting trip with your buddies. You pack everything you need. Plenty of ammunition, a large jar of beef jerky and about ten cases of beer. After all, what fun is shooting off high-powered rifles if there isn't any beer around? You are just about done packing when your wife comes out into the garage and starts with her annual bellyaching about your hunting trip with your friends. You're gone for four days out in the woods with your loser friends and you come back smelling like a bag of skunks and if you think that this year she's going to wash your hunting clothes then mister, you've got another thing coming and on and on ad infinitum until you are about ready to explode. You tell her that you only do this once a year but she won't let up. Finally, you've had enough of her crabbing and you want to let her know how you feel but how can this be accomplished in a manly manner? Follow along in your manly manual, page 2156, and repeat after me:

1. Look, honey, you misunderstood me. I said maybe I'll get lucky and I'll get a really good "buck!"

2. You know, I oughta take your little sister along. If there's anyone who knows about showing a bunch of guys how to find their way into the bush--it's her!

3. Listen, cupcakes, the way our sex life's been lately, taking the deer to the taxidermist is the about the only way I'm going to get to mount and stuff anything!

Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and later during your hunting trip when your friends are using your name in vain, as they have to push you through the forest in a wheelchair because your wife broke your son's baseball bat across your knees, you can rest assured that she will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are. Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying be manly and good day.

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Published By:
Mr. Manly(R) Productions, Inc.
Austin, Texas
Copyright(C) 1995 Mr. Manly (R) Productions, Inc.

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