7. A Visit To Germany

And now another edition of how to be manly. Today lesson number 4671. Man alive! You would have never guessed that Germany was such a beautiful country! Yes indeed, you have been strolling through the countryside and villages and have been having a smashing good time. The people you meet have been most cordial, to say the least. It makes you wish you could speak at least a few words of their language but, alas. You finally catch a train to head back to your hotel in Munich. You are walking down the street when you come across a plaza where some sort of festival is taking place. There is live polka music, dancing, sausages and gallons and gallons of beer being served. "We-he-hell," you say to yourself, "it looks like I just died and went to heaven!" So you buy a heaping plate of sausage and what appears to be about a gallon's worth of beer and sit at a table to eat and watch the festivities. After a while you order another beer, and then another. Unbeknownst to you, German beer has a kick all its own and you are starting to feel the effects when a man and what appears to be his wife and highly attractive young daughter sit at your table. They are trying to speak to you but in your condition you couldn't even speak to them in English. The man's wife is somewhat elderly and not your type at all but you sure wouldn't mind getting to know their daughter. You would like to let the mother and father know how you feel in German but how can this be accomplished in a manly manner? Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 4654, and repeat after me:

1. Mein herr, das older frauline has der dog's butten facen und is about to maken me vomit go puken!

2. Ahh, yer munchkin young frauline! Ahh! das frauline ist given me der blue balzen und mein weinerschneitzel ist now biggenzie like telephone polen!

3. Mein herr! Me und yer youngen daughteren go to my hotelen for der go pushin und go pullin inner outer werk, zer gut, ya?

Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and when the German fellow picks you up off the ground and joins the polka band while crushing and uncrushing your body with his bare hands, like an accordion, you can rest assured that he will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are. Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying be manly and good day.

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