1. The Female Ballpark Announcer

And now another edition of how to be manly. Today lesson number 3299. It took a lot of money and four years of journalism in college but you finally made it! You are now a rookie sports reporter for a national magazine! For your very first assignment you are sent along to assist a more seasoned reporter as he covers the opening day of baseball at candlestick park in San Francisco. You are giddy with excitement as you take your privileged seat in the reporter's booth. Ahh, the smell of hot dogs, beer and peanuts fills the air and you are at peace with the world. That is until the first announcements are made causing you to bolt upright in your chair. You are shocked to hear that the San Francisco Giants have hired a, dare I even say it, a female ballpark announcer! You grab your head with both hands as if in great pain. "No," you say to yourself, "no! This simply cannot be!" You decide to go to the announcer's booth to see for yourself this intruder into yet another bastion of manliness. Your manly press badge allows you to enter the booth where you see her sitting there. Actually she is quite attractive but that still doesn't mean you're going to let her get off easy. You want to let her know how you feel but how can this be accomplished in a manly manner? Follow along in your manly manual, page 3281, and repeat after me:

  1. Oooooh hooooo momma. When you're sitting there like that I see someplace I'd like to put my balls. Low and inside!

  2. Say, how's about I give you a hard-line drive up the middle?

  3. Hey, hey, hey! How's about I sit back and watch you give me a double header?

Use any of the above phrases in just a situation and when the entire stadium hears over the public address system what it sounds like when a man's forehead is repeatedly slammed into an announcer's desktop, you can rest assured that the young female ballpark announcer will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are. Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying be manly and good day.


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Published By:
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Copyright(C) 1995 Mr. Manly (R) Productions, Inc.

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