47. Husband's Microwave Cooking

And now another edition of how to be manly. Today we answer yet more listener mail. Today's letter comes to us from a female listener who writes: "Dear Mr. Manly, I have an unusual problem with my husband of seven years and I was hoping you could help me out. My husband and I both work. We have no children yet so we more or less share the household chores. I do more and he does less. I was getting tired of this inequity so I made him sit down for a talk. I told him that I felt it only fair that we split the chores fifty/fifty. For instance, one night I would cook dinner and the next night he would. He agreed to this. The next night my husband was treated to a wonderful meal made from scratch. The night after that it was his turn to cook. Well, Mr. Manly, imagine my chagrin when he puts two spaghetti and meat sauce dinners into the microwave and then plops down two dinner salads in plastic containers from the corner convenience store--with plastic forks! Mr. Manly, he not only knows that I hate meat sauce and I love meat balls but I also think that I deserve a better meal than some cheap frozen dinner from the microwave! My question then, Mr. Manly, is how could I have handled this in a manly, yet at the same time womanly manner? yours in womanly appreciation of manliness, Lisa." Hmm, good question, Lisa. Of course avoiding exactly these types of situation is what has kept me single all of these years; however, the next time your husband cooks you a dinner in the microwave feel free to use any one or all of the following three phrases:

1. The microwave, huh? You know, your cooking reminds me of the way you make love to me--slap the meat in and you're done in less than a minute!

2. Huh, spaghetti and meat sauce, eh? Well, that makes two things at this table with limp noodles and no balls!

3. Honey, the next dinner you make I want to be made the same way you're going to be having sex for the next six weeks--with your own two hands!

So, there you go, Lisa. Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and later, when your husband sees that you're taking cooking lessons from that firm-bodied twenty-six-year-old-Swiss cooking instructor at the country club, he will have no doubts as to what kind of woman you really are. And thanks for writing, Lisa. Listeners, as always, should you or someone you know have a manly question or are in need of some manly advice, simply address your letters to me in care of this station. Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying be manly and good day.

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