75. Another Man's Shoes Under Girlfriend's Bed

And now another edition of how to be manly. Today lesson number 6123. Ahh, at last it's over! Your two week business trip out of town. While it was productive enough, it was also exhausting. Hour upon hour of contractual negotiations and meeting after meeting. Every night it was all you could do to go back to your hotel, take a shower and collapse into your bed. But to make matters worse, this has kept you away from your beloved fiancee, Sheila, and it has been unbearable. Now here you are at the airport, embracing Sheila who was waiting at the gate for you. The two of you are overjoyed to be back together. You tell her that the first thing you want to do is go to her place, change into your sweat pants and head for a brisk jog around the park and then back to her place for some...well...you know. She says this sounds like a crackling good idea. So, once at her place you go to her bedroom to change clothes. You are removing your trousers when suddenly--damn! you hate it when this happens!--all of the change in your pants pocket falls out and scatters all over the floor. You get on your hands and knees to retrieve the coins which have rolled under the bed. When you look under the bed what you see makes you feel like someone has hit you in the chest with a sledgehammer. You see a pair of men's shoes there and they are not yours. You pick up the shoes and walk into the living room where Sheila is waiting. She need not explain anything because the ashen look of sudden shock on her face tells you the whole story. You feel betrayed and outraged and you want to let Sheila know how you feel but how can this be accomplished in a manly manner? Follow along in your manly manual, page 6117, and repeat after me:

1. Let me guess, you had a shoe salesman over and he gave you a pump, right?

2. . There's a pair of spiked-heel leather boots under there as well. What, was your little brother here, too?

3. You know, these shoes remind me of having sex with you. They're old, stretched out of shape, dried up and they smell bad!

Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and the next day in your office when you discover that Sheila's new boyfriend is a two-hundred-and-fifty-pound body builder, when he marches into your office and smashes your face through your solid oak desk top, you can rest assured that she will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are. Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying be manly and good day.

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Published By:
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Copyright(C) 1995 Mr. Manly (R) Productions, Inc.

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