This volume #2 of my Anti-Poetry. Nobody really knows what happened to #1, though, of course, we suspect some kind of supra-human intervention. Volume #3 is currently in progress and should be finished just before I start volume #4.
If you were a hampster,
and I was a rake,
we'd sing all day long,
and drink from the lake.
I'd hold you in my bosom;
so sweetly you'd rest,
until the day came,
where I could sell you
for $1.25 to support my
Liquid Tide addiction.
I spotted you across a crowded room,
your hair gently caressing your cheek,
I knew that I could make you mine,
but upon closer inspection,
were my mother.
You said our love could stand the test,
but we both knew,
underneath our bug puffy multi-coloured hats,
that one bad game of Yhatzee would destroy us both.
There is absolutely nothing I love about you.
Please kindly die.
Upon the rolling hills so green,
I hid beneath the shadows of the towering giraffes,
who never should have been there in the first place.
Come to think of it, they weren't even giraffe's.
They were very yellow, though. I like yellow.
Lend me $20.
Tears of Madness
The horror lept into your eyes,
as I stood there,
holding up our brand new fetus.
Sorry I dropped him. He was slippery.
If you were covered in blood,
I would still love you.
You'd probably make me vomit a lot.
Screams of hoor encompass my mind,
and all I can think about it you.
Desperate passion consumes my heart,
and all I can think about is you.
How can I express, with mere words,
how much I love thee?
Surely I can only imply, allude, but not explain
your place in my heart
perhaps you shall understand when I say,
that if you were crucified,
I would Pine-Sol your cross everyday,
so when the dogs ate your legs and the ravens
pulled out your eyes, they would first pause,
"what a nice cross, this person must really be something
special to someone",
and I would smile,
and dream of deep green orchards.
REALLY - about what it would be like
to own a kitten as soft (so soft)
as a kitten like you
So small, vulnerable, unsafe you were
such a small little kitten
in my arms - oh to feed you
wheat and to watch you grow,
watch you become large and beautiful,
but always so soft.
I shall not regret swallowing you, soft cat.
LIVE NEXT TO MY LIVER.