This is a little essay I ran across -- It has helped some of my net friends with difficult times. EZ2PLZ
LETTING GO IS HARD TO DO
There is a wonderful story about a well-meaning biologist who snipped the tiny neck of a rare moth's cocoon to ease its struggle to get out. When its misshapen wings could not fly, he helplessly watched the ugly creature die. Then he learned that the emperor moth is supposed to have a difficult delivery. Its is supposed to struggle with the painful pressure until its body has been streamlined to fit through the narrow neck of the cocoon. By design, this tortured passage forces the juices into the wings, allowing them to "expand in their full glory." The biologist thought his mission was to relieve the moth's suffering. He actually aborted its growing pains and was party to the creation of a monster and its demise. He reflected on the times his "weak tenderness" had affected his children and how often he'd been angry, even bitter, over life's difficulties.
The biologist's account illustrates the dilemma of every parent who
finds it hard not to interfere with their child's growth if it becomes painful to watch. His narrative shows how unthinking and unloving rescuing others can be. The moral of the story is that it is important to accept life's difficulties; they are opportunities to grow into whatever comes next in our lives. I have been grateful for that lesson as I've dealt with my daughter's marriage and move across the country.
When she started to read my anxiety about the separation as something to do with her choices, I told her that I was pleased with her choices, but that her leaving was painful. We could do nothing for each other to relieve the pain of that transition. I watched her struggle with "painful pressure" of the changes and get stronger. With each step she took away from our family, she grew more confident and ready to create a family of her own. Loving her meant not rescuing her from the pain of change. I was reminded of leaving her at college when she wanted to turn around and go back home. If I'd given into my "weak tenderness," I would have "aborted" her growing pains.
I feel the loss of our connection, as we've defined it until now. I am trusting that, by facing the loss/change, our relationship can evolve into something new, I sense a loss of equilibrium in knowing my caretaking role as a parent is complete, yet in not feeling finished. I cannot protect her from the reality that life is hard. The wisdom she took with her was earned by facing those hard realities while growing up and leaving home. Her "difficult delivery" paid off!
Part of letting go is being open to where that leads us. I can see how my daughter's creative "juices" are giving her flight to new heights, but I don't have my own course in perspective. I am sure that some part of my life will be revitalized by this process. Letting go is HARD to do. It is easier when we can accept it as the opportunity to grow into whatever direction our glorious new "wings" will take us.